Wateva...

parties and more parties...

out on mon and wed with jing, smelly and jw. ran errands, den still kena bullied ahhh.... lol. blame myself for being a nice person. =P

den thursday went for gold outing, where there was not enough food! cos the guys din tell me they were coming... lol. but it was still pretty fun trying to sneak around dishan's cake and waiting for the cake's grand arrival together with its arrival with xinyi, at the bus stop with yingqing cos our dear fren was late. =P it was fun reliving childhood times playing at pasir ris park and quarreling with other kids.

friday was busy day. woke up at 7am to go to the market. den cooked from 3 plus all the way to 7 plus. i tell you, my dear feet were dying by the time i finally got to sit down at around 8. lucky lu came early to help stuff the chicken. (: everyone else ps me in helping to cook ah, except christabel. lol. in the end my mum kept complaining she need to help me prepare... damn sian diao can. but nvm, at least we enjoyed dinner and stayover. (: did damn a lot of stupid stuff. haha. AND THEY STILL DUN BELIEVE THAT I COOKED! boohoo. a lot of effort went into cooking that lor.... den no one wants to admit... must all be jealous ahhh. lol. joking.

sat was another party day, went to party with ymca dance people at jw's house. teppanyaki and steamboat! by then i almost konked out at the end of the day. but the grocery shopping in the morning with the guys was hilarious. lol. guys have completely no system when they are grocery shopping. serious. and they wanted to go cold storage!!!!!!! its so darn expensive there la! my dad damn funny, say they "eat rice dunno the price of rice" in hokkien, after i told him the story today. kena called ahsoh somemore, for being choosy about cherries and mushrooms... first time ever... but it was good to see pau and lizhen again, even though pau had a sprained ankle. i hope ur ankle will get well soon!

today was simply eating again at my aunt's house, other than the fact that i did a considerably large amount of cleaning from morning till early afternoon. learnt the components of a window whilst cleaning the windows of my house today. looked like an absolute monkey sitting on top of its high post whilst climbing all over the place. i dunno what my frens will say if they ever saw me climbing around like that.

i realise that i haven't made my new year resolutions yet. i heard something on chinese radio about how people burn something significant in that portion of their lives that they dun want to bring with them into the new year. like for example, works' not going very well, den burn something that represents work or something. i'm thinking maybe i should do that. i really dun wanna bring some things into the new year. i really don't.

its still not too late to start thinking of my new year resolutions now.

Wateva...

Wateva...


sometimes i really dunno who, why and what i'm doing all this for.



i'm just feeling very hurt. again.

whoever said ignorance is bliss is a liar.
and at this next moment i'm marvelling at how spoilt a brat i'm sounding, blaming the whole world.

i think its the late nights and hormones.


what i feel can't be put into words on a letter no matter how many times i attempt the letter.

i'm keeping it in a box, and maybe when i grow up more i'd find how silly all this sounds.
and maybe not, maybe cos people won't even link this blog entry to what they might find in my most treasured possesions.

its a wonder how some peoples' most treasured possesions consist of riches while there are people like me, who have unfinished letters they never could bring themselves to finish, as their most treasured possesions.

Wateva...

nightmare

Wateva...

Back from China. it was an ok trip. the scenery was beautiful and everything, just that i din get the luxury of shopping.

will upload photos soon.

had many bad dreams whilst sleeping in the hotels there. first time on a holiday which i couldn't sleep well. i've no idea why.

one included some drama of how we couldn't complete out journey cos of a car crash or something.

the other was worse. i was so bothered by it i couldn't sleep again. dreamt i was "abandoned" first literally, den figuratively, by my friends. met them somewhere for lunch, and then they disappeared as dreams do. tied my shoelace to cross the road, almost met with a car accident, climbed an entire flight of stairs highger than nj's 80 over steps, just to find them cos i thought i saw them somewhere in that mac's.

then i found out they were organising a holiday without including me in it. the dissapointment and sense of betrayal just consumed me. but as per my normal self, whenever things like that happen, i simply behaved as if nothing happened. NOTHING HAPPENED. sometimes i dun believe my own actions, even in dreams. like wth. And i still tried to be helpful, like asking them if they have enough clothes etc., even though i felt so betrayed and hurt inside. the pain would seem to fade a bit when i put on that fake smile, that fake mask. but after that it'd be back in full force at double the impact.



i thought i wanted to post this dream up cos people say that if you tell others a dream it wouldn't come true. and i can't tell other people who these people in the dream are, so i tot i'd just use this short cut method since i really didn't want this dream to come true.

seems like i'm already feeling betrayed now and feeling the same thing all over again, doing the same helpful thing all over again, and when the person's gone, i just cry to myself again.

maybe its cos i posted this post up too late. wait a minute what am i talking about, it would have happened even if that dream didn't happen.

or maybe its just me. i feel as if i've been taken advantage of all my life. maybe i should change the way i treat people?

but that's who i am. and that's why i get hurt again and again.



i thought friendship meant u did things together, no wait until u do something and let the other person know about it through someone else. u didn't imgine how i'd feel did you? i'd rather you have told me straight in the face.

i hope that by the time if u ever read this u'd already forget it. or maybe if u do remember it, please do me a favour and never mention this, but tell me the truth from yourself next time.
maybe you wouldnt' even know i'm talking about you. that's what i'm talking about.

i'm not directing this at anyone i just need to write it down somewhere alright, or i'll burst, cos the place where i used to write in is no longer available for use cos i can no longer bear to write there. its shut down for good. maybe i should shut this blog down for good and find a new start too.

if u ever read this, please understand that i'm not angry anymore by the time i write this. i'm just hurt.

Wateva...

i dunno where i read this from. a cut may heal but the scars will stay. and that's how i felt about something today.

its like how people forgive but never ever forget what they forgive. sorta reminds me of that talks i had with some soccer girls.

Wateva...

Wateva... prom was well............... prom. haha. first dressup, first clubbing experience. not first camwhoring though. =) it was fun. but i wouldn't wanna do it often. i'm broke cos of that now. have to scrimp for everyone's christmas present... =S

anyone have interesting job offers? or else in banks?!?!? i need a job!

and i have no freaking idea wat to add in my resume... damn. Wateva...

P.S. thank you to all those who attempted in trying to make me more feminine for prom. haha. your help was quite appreciated, though with how much success i wouldn't know, since ms tay was still horrified by me at the end of prom. special thank yous to jing for being primary fashion consultant and giving emo support, smelly for shopping and being another fashion consultant, nat as a shopping buddy, and pei rong as spree buddy. =)